tales from Home Heck

My adventures in oven cleaning yesterday (I wrote about that on my Random Thoughts Under a Blue Moon Blog) brought back a lot of memories of the Home Ec years. I was in Home Ec or as we called it Home Heck, all the way back in Middle School. That was a looooong time ago.

There are days when I can’t remember what I ate for supper the night before, and there are days when something triggers a long lost memory from yester year and I feel the need to reminisce.

Doggone it, where’s my wavy line tech button and my button to cue the Memories song from Cats. Crud…oh, well, you’ll just have to pretend.

~~~Meeeeemories, all alone in the moonlight…*song trails off*~~~

I remember it like it was yesterday. We had just gotten our handouts for classes and instead of shop, I pulled Home Heck.
I groused to my best friend Mary Brown that I, Ibso-Factly, hated my life and couldn’t believe that I had to endure an Entire year of Home Heck.
Aaaand to make matters perfectly worse NO one, I repeat, NO one I even remotely liked was in my class.

Say hello to my life. Every stinking class with people that I hated. Bring on Lunchtime baby!!

Sigh.

I left the cozy atmosphere of the Hangout Hallway and made my way to class.

I walked into Home Heck Class which was thee absolutely weirdest classroom I had ever been in, including Art Class.
I was taking mental note of all of the wack job stuff located Everywhere.
Were those kitchenettes in the back of the room? Where in the world were we, the Sears Appliance Center?!

The teacher asked us to take a seat, I sat a small desk with a sewing machine connected to the top of it.
That tears it! I am at Sears!!
Good Grief!

I stealthily checked out the other students in the room.
Oh boy, who am I stuck with here? Lord if you Really love me, please let me NOT be stuck in class with a bunch of creepy people.

Whew! Not too bad, just a couple of weirdos who were sticking to the back.
Score! Two friend alert. They saw me! I do the cool tiny wave…not too excited, but not too aloof either. Nicely done, self! Thank you, me!

I felt someone tugging on my hair. I turn around and am face to face with one of my least favorite individuals on the planet….Shannon.
It’s not what you think…HE is a boy. A boy that lives to annoy anyone and everyone, especially me! He likes to play with my hair cause it’s curly…I hate my hair.

~~~Yes, I had a lot of internal dialoguing back then….who am I kidding, I’m internal dialoguing right now. ~~~

Fast forward in time to Sewing 101…Blech!! We’re nearing the end of the first semester and we’ve been learning how to sew FOREVER! Have I learned anything? Yes and No.

First:
I can’t sew, I hate to sew, sewing is for girls, which I must NOT be one of because EVERY other girl in the whole dang class can sew BUT Me!!

Second:
My teacher HATES me. I apparently am her first Utter failure. I feel a smidge bad for her because she is Actually trying to teach me stuff. But for some reason my swiss cheese brain just can’t retain any of it.
…sort of like when my mom tried to teach me how to fold a fitted sheet…Why do I need to know this again? Is this knowledge going to save my life someday? Will this secret sheet folding knowledge someday change my future for the better?…I think not. Fold, Fold, Roll into a ball. Shove into drawer, aaand done! Record time mom, Record time!!…

Third:
Sewing is apparently my Nemesis and it’s out to destroy me. The teacher is actually charging me for bent needles and I’m fairly certain I broke a machine, cause we’ve mysteriously lost a machine overnight! Maybe the janitor secretly hides them in a room under the school for a future apocalypse when everyone will have to make their own clothes….hmmmm.

Fourth:
I Can’t Wait for the cooking half of the year!!!

Fast forward in time again to the end of the semester, right before Christmas Vacation. We are all showing off our sewing projects for our parents in some sort of teacher created venture to humiliate us all in retribution for everything we’ve put them through so far in the year.

Oh, look. A shirt, a vest, cute patches on jeans. A quilt?? Really people?? Even Shannon made a pretty cool project. Of course, I can’t even bring myself to look at anymore of them because my own project which originally was to sew a cute me size top was reduced to sewing a tube top for one of my childhood Barbies.
Sadly, it fell apart as soon as I tried to put it on her.

Yes, I couldn’t even sew two ends of fabric together for a flippin’ Barbie Doll!!  Ugh!!  

Alas, my glorious Christmas Vacation begins with freshly fallen snow and a brilliant C- for my end of the semester project.

~~~~~~~

Tune in tomorrow for Part 2 of, “Tales from Home Heck.”

TTFN,

The Blue Moon Thinker 🙂

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